my car is running again. interestingly ist was not an electronic fault but something remotely mechanical. a small rubber hose from the valve-cover to the intake manifold was blocked. as a result from that the idle regulator became stuck. i was able to clean the stuff myself and threw in a set of new spark plugs and an air filter for good measure. overall cost: 35€ including a electronics diagnosis in a bosch-service shop.
no time to ride the "dicke" or the xt though. the fine weather time was spent gardening and now its raining pigs and dogs
thus i must resort to telling a few anecdotes of encounters with domestic animals and wildlife...
episode I: chicken run
the first encounter with germany's fauna happened when i was 15. at that time i had a "mofa"/moped it was a 1972 50cc 2-stroke mechanical contraption (so 3 years senior to me...) that was restricted to 25 kph. the size and performance of the "engine" may be compared to the starter of the TDM....
one day i prepared the 4km journey to my gandparents' farm. (with the traveling speed of this monster 4km can be an adventure ride, especially when parts of this acme-german-engineering tend to fall off at random intervals)
about 500m before reaching my destination i made a discovery of a new species, that brought me close to the nobel prize for biology: the gallus domesticus suicidalis the suicidal chicken.
in this idyllic setting there were only happy animals, or so i thought. cows, chicken and pigs could roam freely in their respective parts of the farm. (no, my gramps name was not "old mac donald"...)
obviously this was too much freedom for one specimen of the aforementioned species.
a chicken jumped right in front of me and my mofa/moped. due to my razor sharp reflexes and the immense stopping power of the mechanical drum brakes i managed to avoid the impact and the chicken returned to the side of the road again.
after a short check for fallen-off parts i resumed my ride with the immense acceleration 1,2hp provided...
the chicken did not take chances this time. it jumped right into the spokes of the front wheel.
rotated a few turns an flew out in a cloud of dust and feathers, making somewhat annoyed "gook gook" noises.
very strange.
ah, the careful reader is asking about the nobel prize....well the committee wanted a live specimen. i could not provide that, because the one and only specimen of this kind found itself inside the oven and has disappeared from the face of the earth.
after all its sacrifice was not futile, tasty rather....
episode II: the anti-aircraft mission:
this one takes us back into the time when i served as radar operator in an AA-regiment in the german federal army, 1996...
the weapon of my choice was an XTZ660 tenere.
one sunday i went on a little ride and i hit a falcon at about 110kph with my left upper arm. the poor bird was killed instantly and the poor pig was nearly thrown off his thumper. damn that hurt. thank $deity i was wearing full MQP sports leathers so no bones were broken...at least my bones....
the suit was a little dirty though.
after a few minutes i was able to move the arm again. more or less. i had to use my right hand to place the left hand on the handlebars. i rode home without feeling my left hand, but i could move it quite ok. i operated the clutch by sight then.
the next morning, in the barracks, my arm sported a wide variety of colours, but not the german camo-pattern, so i went to the medic and reported my bashed arm.
i still remember his face, when i told the story.
that made me the only soldier of my regiment who shot down an "aircraft" in peace-time...
episode III: bambi killer:
the last one for today happened in 2000.
i was riding the "dicke" with my girlfriend of then as ballast^Wpillion on one of my favourite roads in the bergisches land.
on a straight part of the road that led through a forest a small deer jumped right in front of my wheel. i tried to brake but i realized instantly that the impact was unavoidable. so i straightened my arms, held the bars straight and....WHACK.
i just hit the deer at 60kph above the pelvis and broke ist spine.
i stopped and asked my GF if she was ok, then i inspected the damage on the dicke.....
miraculously nothing...i must have hit the poor animal with the tyre. not a single sratch, nothing bent...
my GF was a little disturbed and asked "what now"
i was rather calm, as a fireman i have seen more dramatic accidents, so i told her that i'll call the police to have the animal put ot of its misery. (don't have a gun or an axe on the dicke, so i'm not tempted to use it on cagers
)i took out my cell and in my best mr. spock impersonation had to report "no life forms in range, captain. fascinating"
in this neck of the woods the cell was not working.
so we mounted up again, rode a few km and found a house from where i could phone for the police and the local forrest official. we returned to the site of the crash and waited for the things to come.
the forest official was the first to arrive. he took out a gigantic revolver (might have been an anti-aircraft gun) and immediately shot the deer. (my GF went a little pale then...)
when he opened the trunk of his jeep to fetch a plastic box for the cadaver the police finally arrived.
the driver of the patrol car came over to talk to us while his partner took out his service automatic and shakily aimed it at the dead animal.
the forest official patted him fatherly on the shoulder and told him: "it's ok son. it's already dead. it won't hurt you."
the young cop blushed and went back into the car to prepare the paperwork......
so, enough body count for today, the next episode will probably be a summary of the mods and stuff of my dicke...
glückauf
ralf
(beware of pigs on the road...)
