Two cats are having a swimming race. One cat is called "one two three", the other "un Deux trois". Which cat won?
"One two three", because "un Deux trois" cat sank.
It's A Joke
Started by
dapleb
, Mar 04 2022 07:21 pm
444 replies to this topic
#181
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 02:38 pm
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#182
PICARD
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 06:45 pm
Just got home from competing in the British house championships. I made the semis.
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
#183
dapleb
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Posted 14 June 2022 - 07:07 pm
They told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic but so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#184
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 15 June 2022 - 05:04 am
I was driving to the airport when I saw a sign that said "airport left".
So I turned around and went home.
So I turned around and went home.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#185
Snowbird
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Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 15 June 2022 - 07:54 pm
I've always hoped that when my time is up I'll die peacefully in my sleep after a few beers just like my grandad did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus did.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#186
dablik
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Master Intermediate Fettlin' Award 2018
- Location:Bootleshire
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Posted 16 June 2022 - 07:48 am
Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.
Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead Gone to Heaven 
1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space Gone to Heaven 
Sorted and on the Road Mick 
it's the bike that Jack built 
#187
PICARD
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Posted 16 June 2022 - 03:57 pm
I've always hoped that when my time is up I'll die peacefully in my sleep after a few beers just like my grandad did.
Not screaming in terror like the passengers on his bus did.
Call me an anorak, but that is a bob monkhouse joke, and he said on tv, that it was probably the hardest joke to write and time correctly, that he had ever written..... I'll get me anorak...
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
#188
Snowbird
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Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 16 June 2022 - 05:30 pm
Some of the best are bob monkhouse jokes.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#189
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 16 June 2022 - 05:52 pm
What is a pumpkins circumference divided by a pumpkins diameter?
Pumpkin Pi!
Pumpkin Pi!
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#190
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 18 June 2022 - 02:35 pm
Today I saw someone waving and I wasn't sure if they were waving at me or someone behind me.
In other news I was fired from my lifeguard job.
In other news I was fired from my lifeguard job.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#191
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 04:25 am
My friend keeps saying "cheer up mate, it could be worse, you could be stuck in a hole underground full of water"
I know he means well
I know he means well
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#192
Snowbird
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Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 23 June 2022 - 06:50 am
Someone said my ring tone was offensive and I should change it, isn't anal bleaching expensive...
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#193
Favs
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Sir Cumference
- Location:County Durham
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Posted 23 June 2022 - 07:05 am
Took my son to an orchard for an hour the other day ----- not the kind of apple watch he wanted
I used to be obsessed with snooker but I'm having a break
It's summer - I don't need a coat
Single-handedly reviving the Wave.
2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS
#194
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 23 June 2022 - 07:13 am
Haaa goodns.
What do you call a zombie that writes music?
A decomposer.
What do you call a zombie that writes music?
A decomposer.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#195
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 24 June 2022 - 06:35 am
I lost my wife's audiobook.
Now I'll never hear the end of it.
Now I'll never hear the end of it.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#196
Tishabelle
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Arrived on a pony
- Location:Same as Dappers
- TDM model: none yet
Posted 24 June 2022 - 06:56 am
Where would you find Michael Jackson at sea?
Bobbing up and down on a buoy
Bobbing up and down on a buoy
#197
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 03:33 am
Unfortunately my obese parrot just died.
But it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
But it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#198
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 27 June 2022 - 01:19 pm
My boss asked me why I only get sick on workdays.
I said it must be my weekend immune system.
I said it must be my weekend immune system.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#199
drewpy
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has been here 4ever
- Location:Manchester UK
- TDM model: 1996
Posted 28 June 2022 - 09:00 pm
i phoned the tinnitus helpline today
no-one answered, it just heard ringing
"As I Lay Rubber down to street, I pray for traction I can keep. But if I skid and begin to slide, please dear god protect my ride"
Mods; Oil pressure switch, neoprene rear inner mudguard, scottoiler, highway pegs, fenda extenda, 1999 carbs and airbox, Kais suspension setup, later clutch springs, LED lamps, Metmachex swingarm, Hagon Shock, Oxford heated grips, 4 way fused accessory Bus, 17" 3CV front wheel, Michellin R6 tyres, GPS speedo, 5' ignition advance.
#200
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 29 June 2022 - 08:05 am
My cousin was hospitalised after shoving 28 small plastic horses in his rectum.
Doctors described his condition as stable.
Doctors described his condition as stable.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
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