My wife bet me £1000 I couldn't turn spaghetti into a car.
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta.
It's A Joke
Started by
dapleb
, Mar 04 2022 07:21 pm
444 replies to this topic
#241
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 06 August 2022 - 03:52 pm
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#242
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 07 August 2022 - 06:55 am
Found out my wife was cheating on me today.
I asked her when she'd be home and she said "10-15mins max"
...my name is Steven!
I asked her when she'd be home and she said "10-15mins max"
...my name is Steven!
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#243
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,323 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 08 August 2022 - 03:41 pm
What do you call your mums angry French sister?
A croissaunt
A croissaunt
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#244
dablik
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 10,881 posts
Master Intermediate Fettlin' Award 2018
- Location:Bootleshire
- TDM model: 1992
Posted 09 August 2022 - 07:56 pm
Tonight were having Himalayan rabbit stew for dinner.
We found himalayan in the road.
Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.
Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead Gone to Heaven 
1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space Gone to Heaven 
Sorted and on the Road Mick 
it's the bike that Jack built 
#245
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 10 August 2022 - 08:24 pm
Lolzio.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.
My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#246
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,439 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 11 August 2022 - 06:46 am
I seem to have developed a phobia of german sausage.
I fear the wurst...
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#247
Favs
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Sir Cumference
- Location:County Durham
- TDM model: 2008
Posted 13 August 2022 - 10:10 am
An anteater walks into a bar. The landlord asks, "Can I get you a drink?"
"Nooooooooooo"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooo"
The landlord asks, "Whats with the long 'no's ?
"I was born with it."
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooo"
The landlord asks, "Whats with the long 'no's ?
"I was born with it."
Scientists definitively confirmed today that anteaters are incapable of contracting coronavirus.
Apparently they’re filled with anty bodies.
Edited by Favs, 13 August 2022 - 10:13 am.
Single-handedly reviving the Wave.
2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS
#248
drewpy
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,779 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Manchester UK
- TDM model: 1996
Posted 13 August 2022 - 07:58 pm
My son said," Dad when was the first time you fell in Love?"
I said," I was 18, I walked into a Bar and spotted the most Gorgeous Blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."
He said," So what happened?"
I said," Nothing, the c*&t missed and hit your Mother".....
I said," I was 18, I walked into a Bar and spotted the most Gorgeous Blonde I'd ever seen. Cupid fired his arrow the second I saw her."
He said," So what happened?"
I said," Nothing, the c*&t missed and hit your Mother".....
"As I Lay Rubber down to street, I pray for traction I can keep. But if I skid and begin to slide, please dear god protect my ride"
Mods; Oil pressure switch, neoprene rear inner mudguard, scottoiler, highway pegs, fenda extenda, 1999 carbs and airbox, Kais suspension setup, later clutch springs, LED lamps, Metmachex swingarm, Hagon Shock, Oxford heated grips, 4 way fused accessory Bus, 17" 3CV front wheel, Michellin R6 tyres, GPS speedo, 5' ignition advance.
#249
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,323 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 18 August 2022 - 06:15 am
When my wife told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo....I had to put my foot down!
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#250
madmopedracer
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- Member
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- 473 posts
Carpe junky
- TDM model: 1993
Posted 18 August 2022 - 01:28 pm
I hear some weird human has taught his labrador to play the trumpet while on the London Underground.
Apparently he went from barking to tooting in about an hour. 
#251
harvey krumpet
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full o shoite
- Location:New Zealand
- TDM model: 1997
Posted 18 August 2022 - 10:42 pm
From the fringe fest.
Whats the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?
Ones really heavy the others a little lighter...
TDM 850 Loud and unusual. CRM 250r Woo hoo! DT 230 Lanza Fiddled with.... Bloody hell, is that legal? GG Randonee AKA "I didn't think that was possible".
#252
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,323 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 19 August 2022 - 06:33 pm
Someone threw a jar of mayonnaise at me.
I was like "what the Hellman".
I was like "what the Hellman".
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#253
drewpy
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,779 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Manchester UK
- TDM model: 1996
Posted 19 August 2022 - 08:46 pm
A bloke was sitting at the side of the road crying his eyes out, his dead hamster in his hands.
A fairy godmother asked him what the matter was. He said “I loved my pet hamster and it just died ”.
The fairy godmother said “Well I can’t bring it back to life, but I can suggest that you can make some good of the situation”. The bloke asked “How do I do that ?” The fairy godmother replied “Go home put the hamster in a pan and add a bag of sugar. Heat the pan up stirring well and simmer for an hour. Allow to cool, pour it onto your garden and see what happens”.
The bloke did exactly as she suggested. The next day, he went into the garden and there were masses of daffodils everywhere! He ran back to the road where he’d seen the fairy godmother and she reappeared and asked the bloke how he’d got on. He said “It’s fantastic, there are daffodils everywhere!” The fairy godmother replied “That’s really strange, you normally get tulips from hamster jam!”
"As I Lay Rubber down to street, I pray for traction I can keep. But if I skid and begin to slide, please dear god protect my ride"
Mods; Oil pressure switch, neoprene rear inner mudguard, scottoiler, highway pegs, fenda extenda, 1999 carbs and airbox, Kais suspension setup, later clutch springs, LED lamps, Metmachex swingarm, Hagon Shock, Oxford heated grips, 4 way fused accessory Bus, 17" 3CV front wheel, Michellin R6 tyres, GPS speedo, 5' ignition advance.
#254
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,323 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 21 August 2022 - 06:33 am
On Monday we start diarrhea awareness week.
Runs until Friday.
Runs until Friday.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#255
Favs
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 4,423 posts
Sir Cumference
- Location:County Durham
- TDM model: 2008
Posted 21 August 2022 - 08:08 am
Fekin USA can't spell for shit.... diarrhoea
The red hole should help one remember......... 
Single-handedly reviving the Wave.
2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS
#256
dablik
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 10,881 posts
Master Intermediate Fettlin' Award 2018
- Location:Bootleshire
- TDM model: 1992
Posted 21 August 2022 - 04:20 pm
Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.
Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead Gone to Heaven
1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space Gone to Heaven Sorted and on the Road Mick it's the bike that Jack built
#257
AliG
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- Member
-
- 1,458 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Galicia, Spain
- TDM model: 2010
Posted 22 August 2022 - 10:11 am
My mate's a chef and he has just crossed a potato with a sponge. It tastes crap, but it's great for soaking up the gravy.
2004 900 - Blue with lots of goodies
2012 900 - Still adding shiny bits. Was black, changed to white and now back to black again.
#258
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,323 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 22 August 2022 - 10:18 am
6 topless women sounds nice. Dozen tit.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#259
waynedear
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- Member
-
- 106 posts
Carpe Regular
- Location:Liverpool
- TDM model: 1998
Posted 22 August 2022 - 03:27 pm
What’s the difference between acne and a catholic priest ?
Acne doesn’t usually come on a boys face until after he’s 12
#260
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,439 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 22 August 2022 - 03:42 pm
What’s the difference between acne and a catholic priest ?
Acne doesn’t usually come on a boys face until after he’s 12
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
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