It's A Joke
Started by
dapleb
, Mar 04 2022 07:21 pm
444 replies to this topic
#341
Catteeclan
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 2,523 posts
full o shoite
- Location:Gorleston Norfolk
- TDM model: 2002
Posted 17 December 2022 - 09:31 am
2002 TDM900 Yellow
#342
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 17 December 2022 - 01:45 pm
I only believe in 12.5% of the bible.
I guess that makes me an eighth-theist
I guess that makes me an eighth-theist
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#343
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 17 December 2022 - 03:26 pm
"waitresss can i ask you something about the menu please?"
Waitress slaps me across the face.
"The men i please are none of your business"
Waitress slaps me across the face.
"The men i please are none of your business"
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#344
harvey krumpet
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 2,064 posts
full o shoite
- Location:New Zealand
- TDM model: 1997
Posted 17 December 2022 - 08:37 pm
At a couples counseling meeting in Dublin the speaker mentions that 85% of husbands don't know their wife's favourite flower.
Paddy leans over to his wife and whispers "it's self raising, isn't it"?
TDM 850 Loud and unusual. CRM 250r Woo hoo! DT 230 Lanza Fiddled with.... Bloody hell, is that legal? GG Randonee AKA "I didn't think that was possible".
#345
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 18 December 2022 - 09:00 am
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathmachicken.
She was a mathmachicken.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#346
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 19 December 2022 - 05:47 pm
santaletter.jpg 32.02KB
0 downloads
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#347
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 21 December 2022 - 07:58 am
ambulance.jpg 120.35KB
0 downloads
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#348
AliG
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- Member
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- 1,455 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Galicia, Spain
- TDM model: 2010
Posted 21 December 2022 - 04:46 pm
The FDA in the US have just approved a drug for lesbians with depression. It's called tricoxagain.
2004 900 - Blue with lots of goodies
2012 900 - Still adding shiny bits. Was black, changed to white and now back to black again.
#349
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 23 December 2022 - 08:37 am
And another new drug....
I want to create a product that's a laxative but also contains Advil for the pain.
I'll call it Ibepoopin
I want to create a product that's a laxative but also contains Advil for the pain.
I'll call it Ibepoopin
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#350
ChrisG
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 8,281 posts
Resident vulture
- Location:Netherlands
- TDM model: 2009
Posted 23 December 2022 - 03:08 pm
How do you think the unthinkable?
With an ithberg.
With an ithberg.
1992 Mk1, 76k miles, Hagon springs, MTC exhaust, 4½ gears Gone now 
2009 900 abs, 42k miles, Yamaha heated grips, double bubble screen, R&G crash bungs, scottoiler, Autocom, 1500 lumen LED spotlights.
#351
drewpy
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,764 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Manchester UK
- TDM model: 1996
Posted 03 January 2023 - 01:57 pm
I like the word dial, it's so laid back
"As I Lay Rubber down to street, I pray for traction I can keep. But if I skid and begin to slide, please dear god protect my ride"
Mods; Oil pressure switch, neoprene rear inner mudguard, scottoiler, highway pegs, fenda extenda, 1999 carbs and airbox, Kais suspension setup, later clutch springs, LED lamps, Metmachex swingarm, Hagon Shock, Oxford heated grips, 4 way fused accessory Bus, 17" 3CV front wheel, Michellin R6 tyres, GPS speedo, 5' ignition advance.
#352
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 07 January 2023 - 08:20 pm
Why doesn't James Bond fart in bed?
Because it would blow his cover.
Because it would blow his cover.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#353
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
-
- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 08 January 2023 - 12:16 am
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#354
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 08 January 2023 - 09:13 am
A mummy covered in chocolate and nuts has been discovered in Egypt.
Archeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.
Archeologists believe it may be Pharaoh Roche.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#355
AliG
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- Member
-
- 1,455 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Galicia, Spain
- TDM model: 2010
Posted 09 January 2023 - 09:36 am
Cowboys in the Wild West used to hang lanterns on their saddles to help find their way home. This was an early form of saddle light navigation.
2004 900 - Blue with lots of goodies
2012 900 - Still adding shiny bits. Was black, changed to white and now back to black again.
#356
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 09 January 2023 - 04:42 pm
Lolxio
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#357
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
-
- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 15 January 2023 - 08:58 am
Just got hospitalised due to a peekaboo incident.
They put me in the ICU.
They put me in the ICU.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#358
Favs
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 4,419 posts
Sir Cumference
- Location:County Durham
- TDM model: 2008
Posted 15 January 2023 - 09:10 am
My mate's 4 yo son doesn';t know the Spanish for please......I think that's poor for four
Single-handedly reviving the Wave.
2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS
#359
harvey krumpet
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 2,064 posts
full o shoite
- Location:New Zealand
- TDM model: 1997
Posted 19 January 2023 - 07:03 am
Why don't blind people sky dive?
Because it scares their dogs.
What washes up on small beaches?
Microwaves.
An Army N.C.O. was about to start the morning briefing to all of his staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the N.C.O. decided to pose
a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before,
and therefore, he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question; "How much of the act of sex is "work," and how much is "pure pleasure"?
A Captain chimed in with a 75-25% in favor of 'work'
A Lieutenant said it was probably about 50-50%.
A Warrant-Officer responded with a 25-75% in favor of 'pleasure', depending upon his
state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the N.C.O. turned to the Newbie Private who was in charge
of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion?
Without any hesitation, the young Newbie responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure, Sir."
The N.C.O.. a little surprised and as you might guess, said "And why is that soldier" ?
"Well, Sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them, Sir".
The room fell silent.
Edited by harvey krumpet, 19 January 2023 - 07:04 am.
TDM 850 Loud and unusual. CRM 250r Woo hoo! DT 230 Lanza Fiddled with.... Bloody hell, is that legal? GG Randonee AKA "I didn't think that was possible".
#360
Rallyist
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 3,266 posts
Gettin to be an 'Old Bugger'
- Location:Usually in a Hospital somewhere in the Birmingham area
- TDM model: 1993
Posted 28 January 2023 - 09:06 am
Three lumps of tarmac having a drink in a bar ( this joke is pre Covid rules) One black lump, one red lump and one green lump. The black lump starts arguing with the green lump when the red lump takes him one side and says
"Don't mess with him mate, he's a cycle path! "
For a challenging summer try the
Round Britain Rally.....
1993 TDM 850 Mk1 ..... 2008 TDM 900 .... 1975, 1979, 1982, 1992 Goldwings, Scott, AJS, Triumph 5TA
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