My wife complains I don't buy her flowers.
To be honest, I didn't know she sold flowers!
It's A Joke
Started by
dapleb
, Mar 04 2022 07:21 pm
444 replies to this topic
#101
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 04:53 pm
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#102
dapleb
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 05:32 pm
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive.
It's called wedding cake.
It's called wedding cake.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#103
madmopedracer
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Carpe junky
- TDM model: 1993
Posted 25 April 2022 - 05:35 pm
It's 100 yards to the pub and 200 yards back. The difference is staggering
#104
dablik
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Master Intermediate Fettlin' Award 2018
- Location:Bootleshire
- TDM model: 1992
Posted 26 April 2022 - 07:41 am
Scientists have recently discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive.
It's called wedding cake.
that's not even a joke
Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.
Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead Gone to Heaven 
1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space Gone to Heaven 
Sorted and on the Road Mick 
it's the bike that Jack built 
#105
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 26 April 2022 - 02:50 pm
(θ‿θ)
I sent my hearing aids for repair two weeks ago.
Haven't heard anything since.
I sent my hearing aids for repair two weeks ago.
Haven't heard anything since.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#106
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 26 April 2022 - 04:36 pm
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#107
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 27 April 2022 - 06:02 pm
My wife and I had a long and pointless argument as to which vowel is most important.
I won.
I won.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#108
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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- TDM model: 1990
Posted 28 April 2022 - 08:35 am
What colour is the wind?
Blew.
Blew.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#109
drewpy
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has been here 4ever
- Location:Manchester UK
- TDM model: 1996
Posted 28 April 2022 - 11:30 am
This has not been a good day.
I decided to go Motorcycle riding, something I haven't done in a long time. It turned out to be a horrible mistake! I got on the motorcycle and started out slowly, or so I tried, but then it got crazy and went a little faster; and faster, before I knew it, we were going as fast as the that bike could go. I couldn't take the pace and fell off, but caught my pants on the foot peg beside the crash bar. I was being dragging and bounced all over the place. The motorcycle just would not stop!
Thankfully the manager at the shop came running out and unplugged the machine. Then he actually had the nerve to take the rest of my £1 coins so I wouldn't try to ride Thomas the Tank engine or Wheels on the bus ride...
"As I Lay Rubber down to street, I pray for traction I can keep. But if I skid and begin to slide, please dear god protect my ride"
Mods; Oil pressure switch, neoprene rear inner mudguard, scottoiler, highway pegs, fenda extenda, 1999 carbs and airbox, Kais suspension setup, later clutch springs, LED lamps, Metmachex swingarm, Hagon Shock, Oxford heated grips, 4 way fused accessory Bus, 17" 3CV front wheel, Michellin R6 tyres, GPS speedo, 5' ignition advance.
#110
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 29 April 2022 - 09:30 pm
What do you call a typo on a tombstone?
A grave mistake.
A grave mistake.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#111
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 30 April 2022 - 06:14 am
Police have arrested the world tongue twister champion.
They say he will be given a tough sentence.
They say he will be given a tough sentence.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#112
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 01 May 2022 - 05:43 pm
I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I hadn't seen for years.
"This is Beth" I said introducing my kid.
"And what's Beth short for" he asked.
"Because she's only three" I replied.
"This is Beth" I said introducing my kid.
"And what's Beth short for" he asked.
"Because she's only three" I replied.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#113
dapleb
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Monkey Boy
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- TDM model: 1990
Posted 02 May 2022 - 03:48 pm
I was having trouble with my internet at the farm so I moved the modem to the barn.
Now I have stable WiFi.
Now I have stable WiFi.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#114
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 02 May 2022 - 06:50 pm
Been desperately clinging onto my youth for a long time now.
she's getting a bit older now so I may have to go and abduct anther youth.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#115
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 03 May 2022 - 08:15 am
My boss calls me "The computer".
Nothing to do with intelligence. I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
Nothing to do with intelligence. I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#116
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 04 May 2022 - 11:52 am
I asked an old man I know "even after 75 years you still call your wife darling, honey, love. What's the secret?"
Old man "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm afraid to ask her".
Old man "I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm afraid to ask her".
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#117
Norwegian
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- Member
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- 162 posts
Carpe fan
- TDM model: 2002
Posted 04 May 2022 - 11:55 am
Dear wifey got adventurous in bed last night and asked if we should try a role reversal.
So I told her I had a headache.
2002 TDM 900 Red/Yellow Cocktail (it's yellow)., biggified some
#118
dablik
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Master Intermediate Fettlin' Award 2018
- Location:Bootleshire
- TDM model: 1992
Posted 04 May 2022 - 06:57 pm
Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.
Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead Gone to Heaven
1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space Gone to Heaven Sorted and on the Road Mick it's the bike that Jack built
#119
harvey krumpet
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full o shoite
- Location:New Zealand
- TDM model: 1997
Posted 04 May 2022 - 08:59 pm
I've recently started shouting broccoli and cauliflower at random, I have no control over it. I think i may have florets..
TDM 850 Loud and unusual. CRM 250r Woo hoo! DT 230 Lanza Fiddled with.... Bloody hell, is that legal? GG Randonee AKA "I didn't think that was possible".
#120
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 05 May 2022 - 06:21 pm
We started a band and called it "Books" so no one can judge us by our covers.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
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