My wife caught me on the bathroom scales sucking in my stomach. She laughed "ha that's not going to help".
"Sure it does" I said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers".
It's A Joke
Started by
dapleb
, Mar 04 2022 07:21 pm
444 replies to this topic
#121
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 06 May 2022 - 07:32 am
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#122
Norwegian
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- Member
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- 162 posts
Carpe fan
- TDM model: 2002
Posted 06 May 2022 - 08:22 am
Went for a stroll on the nudie beach and saw a gorgeous, tall blonde strutting about with her friends. Obviously, I walked up to her and started chatting her up.
She was shocked over my boldness, looked me up and down several times and finally said, rather icily, "And who, exactly, do you think you can satisfy with that tiny little thing?"
i looked her straight in the eye, grinned and said: "Me."
2002 TDM 900 Red/Yellow Cocktail (it's yellow)., biggified some
#123
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 06:49 am
My friend Tony asked me not to say his name backwards
I said y not?
I said y not?
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#124
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
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- TDM model: 1990
Posted 08 May 2022 - 07:42 am
Someone tried to sell me a coffin today.
I said that's the last thing I need.
I said that's the last thing I need.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#125
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 09 May 2022 - 06:19 pm
T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt.
It's because of the short arms.
It's because of the short arms.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#126
drewpy
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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has been here 4ever
- Location:Manchester UK
- TDM model: 1996
Posted 09 May 2022 - 07:16 pm
my girlfriend tried to excite me with her key ring
I think she was trying to fob me off
"As I Lay Rubber down to street, I pray for traction I can keep. But if I skid and begin to slide, please dear god protect my ride"
Mods; Oil pressure switch, neoprene rear inner mudguard, scottoiler, highway pegs, fenda extenda, 1999 carbs and airbox, Kais suspension setup, later clutch springs, LED lamps, Metmachex swingarm, Hagon Shock, Oxford heated grips, 4 way fused accessory Bus, 17" 3CV front wheel, Michellin R6 tyres, GPS speedo, 5' ignition advance.
#127
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 10 May 2022 - 06:46 am
I like my women like i like my coffee.
Often drunk in the morning....
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#128
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 10 May 2022 - 07:09 am
If 666 is all evil, then 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#129
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 11 May 2022 - 07:34 am
My wife said "what starts with an F and ends in a K".
I said "no it doesn't"
I said "no it doesn't"
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#130
ChrisG
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Resident vulture
- Location:Netherlands
- TDM model: 2009
Posted 11 May 2022 - 08:08 am
There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary an those who don't
There are 2 type of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
Went for a stroll on the nudie beach and saw a gorgeous, tall blonde strutting about with her friends. Obviously, I walked up to her and started chatting her up.
She was shocked over my boldness, looked me up and down several times and finally said, rather icily, "And who, exactly, do you think you can satisfy with that tiny little thing?"
i looked her straight in the eye, grinned and said: "Me."
I live near a nudist beach, being able to touch your nipples to your knees doesn't necessarily require flexibility 
1992 Mk1, 76k miles, Hagon springs, MTC exhaust, 4½ gears Gone now 
2009 900 abs, 42k miles, Yamaha heated grips, double bubble screen, R&G crash bungs, scottoiler, Autocom, 1500 lumen LED spotlights.
#131
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 09:57 am
Joke is a bit of an exaggeration...but...There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary an those who don't
There are 2 type of people. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#132
AliG
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- Member
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has been here 4ever
- Location:Galicia, Spain
- TDM model: 2010
Posted 11 May 2022 - 09:58 am
What's the difference between a cavalry charger and a brewery horse? One darts into the fray....
2004 900 - Blue with lots of goodies
2012 900 - Still adding shiny bits. Was black, changed to white and now back to black again.
#133
ChrisG
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Resident vulture
- Location:Netherlands
- TDM model: 2009
Posted 11 May 2022 - 10:16 am
√-1 23 Σπ
1992 Mk1, 76k miles, Hagon springs, MTC exhaust, 4½ gears Gone now
2009 900 abs, 42k miles, Yamaha heated grips, double bubble screen, R&G crash bungs, scottoiler, Autocom, 1500 lumen LED spotlights.
#134
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 11 May 2022 - 10:38 am
I'm clearly nowhere near clever enough for this stuff. 
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#135
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 11 May 2022 - 11:10 am
√-1 23 Σπ
(θ‿θ)
Bet ewe didn't save me any. Oi loike π
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#136
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 11 May 2022 - 11:43 am
Saved by google, clever gits! 
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#137
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 13 May 2022 - 06:43 am
Marriage is like a game of cards.
You start out with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.
You start out with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a spade.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#138
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 13 May 2022 - 07:48 am
Lolzio
I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with.
She said yes, all the others have been nines and tens.
I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with.
She said yes, all the others have been nines and tens.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#139
Studley Ramrod
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boys Monkey
- Location:HELLO ! I'm in the Library...Notts
- TDM model: 1993
Posted 13 May 2022 - 02:24 pm
lol
Mk2a 2000 in Silver. Top end Refurb @ 41100 miles, Scottoiler, Renthal Road High Bars, Up & Back Bar Risers, Bellypan, DL650 Handguards, Capt. Picard Bar Ends, House of Henty SS Wheel spacers, New Seat Cover Fitted. 58 MPG !! Now owned by chrisbee ! Studley's mk2a Bloggerydoodaah ! Photos of my first MK1 Photos of my MK2a TPLQHCSRSFC No. 1 Fan
#140
dablik
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Master Intermediate Fettlin' Award 2018
- Location:Bootleshire
- TDM model: 1992
Posted 13 May 2022 - 05:39 pm
Lolzio
I asked my wife if I was the only one she had been with.
She said yes, all the others have been nines and tens.
Oh your worth a ten in my book 
Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.
Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead Gone to Heaven 
1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space Gone to Heaven 
Sorted and on the Road Mick 
it's the bike that Jack built 
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