I lost three fingers on my right hand so I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it.
He said "maybe, but I wouldn't count on it"
It's A Joke
Started by
dapleb
, Mar 04 2022 07:21 pm
444 replies to this topic
#161
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 03 June 2022 - 07:54 am
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#162
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 04 June 2022 - 07:30 am
It's my wife's birthday next week and she has been leaving jewellery catalogues all over the house.
So I got her a magazine rack
So I got her a magazine rack
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#163
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 05 June 2022 - 06:12 am
I just figured out why Teslas are so expensive
It's because they charge a lot.
It's because they charge a lot.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#164
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 07 June 2022 - 04:54 am
My wife has just phoned me to say 3 girls in her office have received flowers and they are absolutely gorgeous.
I said "that's probably why"
I said "that's probably why"
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#165
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 08 June 2022 - 09:13 am
Steven King has a son named Joe.
I'm not joking, but he is.
I'm not joking, but he is.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#166
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 09 June 2022 - 04:33 am
I turned down a job where I would be paid in vegetables.
The celery was unacceptable
The celery was unacceptable
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#167
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 09 June 2022 - 11:26 am
I visited screwfix.com and was most disappointed, I thought it was a dating website.
So I tried tesco's dating app instead and ended up with a bag for life.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#168
PICARD
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,771 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Wirral / wherever I lay my hat!
- TDM model: 2004
Posted 09 June 2022 - 01:46 pm
I've just seen the neighbour's poor old, blind dog humping a cabbage in their garden. Poor bugger must have thought it was a collie.
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
#169
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 09 June 2022 - 05:17 pm
12 Commandments for growing older
#1 - Talk to yourself. There are times you need expert advice.
#2 - "In Style" are the clothes that still fit.
#3 - You don't need anger management. You need people to stop pissing you off.
#4 - Your people skills are just fine. It's your tolerance for idiots that needs work.
#5 - The biggest lie you tell yourself is, "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."
#6 - "On time" is when you get there.
#7 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but it sure does muffle the sound.
#8 - It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller.
#9 - Lately, You've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
#10 - Growing old should have taken longer.
#11 - Aging has slowed you down, but it hasn't shut you up.
#12 - You still haven't learned to act your age, and hope you never will.
And one more maybe the most important:
"One for the road" means peeing before you leave your home.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#170
dablik
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Master Intermediate Fettlin' Award 2018
- Location:Bootleshire
- TDM model: 1992
Posted 09 June 2022 - 05:23 pm
One for the road 
yessiree.
Bigred mk1 R1 Calipers- Braided lines- Givi wing rack-Crash bungs- Hi vis bullets-PR2's- and a hoot to ride.
Quad 900 Silver Laser duo tech pipes-Scott oiler-Engine crash bars- Radiator mounted see me ring LED's-Datatool system 3 alarm -Centre stand- Extender fender-Renthal bars-Handle bar risers-Mirror extenders-BMW GS Handgaurds-Acumen uprated horn & Nautilus-Stainless steel Radiator guard-Givi wing rack-OEM screen-Yammy touring screen-MRA Vario-MRA Double bubble cut down for fast as fk riding-Tiger screen-Tank protector-Stomp grip panels-Optimate lead Gone to Heaven 
1991 MK1 in need of some TLC watch this space Gone to Heaven 
Sorted and on the Road Mick 
it's the bike that Jack built 
#171
PICARD
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,771 posts
has been here 4ever
- Location:Wirral / wherever I lay my hat!
- TDM model: 2004
Posted 09 June 2022 - 06:41 pm
I call that an "insurance P"...just in case!!
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)
#172
Favs
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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Sir Cumference
- Location:County Durham
- TDM model: 2008
Posted 09 June 2022 - 06:41 pm
+1
Single-handedly reviving the Wave.
2008 reg. Black TDM 900 ABS
#173
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 10 June 2022 - 02:21 pm
My doctor gave me a prescription for daily sex.
My girlfriend insists that it is for dyslexia.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#174
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 10 June 2022 - 02:33 pm
Lolzio
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. "State of the art" he said, "it cost me a fortune".
I asked "what type is it?"
He said "two thirty".
My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. "State of the art" he said, "it cost me a fortune".
I asked "what type is it?"
He said "two thirty".
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#175
Snowbird
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- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 10 June 2022 - 02:33 pm
An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.
The young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.
"What's the matter old timer—never done anything wild in your life?"
The old captain snorted. "Yes, got drunk once and shagged a parrot, I was just wondering if you were my son!"
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#176
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 11 June 2022 - 05:43 am
How did the hacker get away from the police?
He ransomware.
He ransomware.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#177
Snowbird
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 11 June 2022 - 11:41 am
The wife said, "You haven't listened to a word I've said, have you?"
I thought, what strange way to start a conversation with me.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#178
dapleb
-
- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 12 June 2022 - 05:19 am
Every morning I get hit by the same bike
It's a vicious cycle
It's a vicious cycle
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
#179
Snowbird
-
- Supporting Member(thanks)
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- 1,432 posts
Just won't go.
- Location:Often on another planet, but mostly south Cambs. (St.Neots)
- TDM model: 2000
Posted 13 June 2022 - 11:47 am
I was told I could save money by eating roadkill so I gave it a go, it turns out I could make a few quid by selling his bike too.
Current toys: '99 XT600E, 2000 4TX, '82 Princess 30DS (where the username comes from), No longer a '03 Fazer thou.
Save the planet, it's the only one with beer!
#180
dapleb
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- Root Admin(A)
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- 18,279 posts
Monkey Boy
- Location:The home of morris dancin
- TDM model: 1990
Posted 13 June 2022 - 12:44 pm
Lolzio
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117
Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.
Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.
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