A man's wife said to him 'If you come home drunk one more time I'm going to leave you'.
That night he went out and as usual he got drunk and threw up all over himself. He said to a friend 'If I go home like this my wife will leave me.
His friend said look show your wife a twenty pound note and say someone threw up all over you and has given you twenty pounds to dry clean your clothes.
He went home to face the anger of his wife, but before she could say anything he said 'A man threw up over me but it's ok he's given me twenty pounds to have my clothes cleaned.
His wife said but how come you're holding two twenty pounds?
He said 'The other one is from the man who shat in my pants'.