God visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven.
The woman said she would try her best.
God visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on..
"Not bad" said the woman, "I've given up smoking and drinking but then I
bent over the lounge suite and my boyfriend caught sight of my long
slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my knickers to one side and
made love to me right then and there."
"They don't like that in heaven", said God........
The woman replied: " And they're not too happy about it in IKEA either!"
The wife's just rolled of the chair 
.......
