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Lexophilia


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#1 Robodene

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Posted 01 April 2020 - 08:49 pm

If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine


Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", "To write with a broken pencil is pointless."


An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.


This year's submissions:

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore.

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a day-care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory, but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.
1940s Ariel 350 (ex-military) Khaki > Black & White '56' Kymco Venox 250 Metallic Grey '56' TDM 900/A (ABS) Silver[b] '56' Yamaha MT-03 White <p>[b] '14' Yamaha MT-07 Matt Grey[b] '17' Honda Rebel 500 

#2 Bjørge

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Posted 02 April 2020 - 06:07 am

:rotflmmfao:


Bjørge

#3 PICARD

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Posted 02 April 2020 - 07:03 am

I believe the first C-19 patient to be put on the new Dyson ventilator is picking up nicely.
I love those too...thanks for sharing!!
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!

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#4 Robodene

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Posted 02 April 2020 - 10:16 am

I thought the feller was enjoying dinner but it was just a manatee.
1940s Ariel 350 (ex-military) Khaki > Black & White '56' Kymco Venox 250 Metallic Grey '56' TDM 900/A (ABS) Silver[b] '56' Yamaha MT-03 White <p>[b] '14' Yamaha MT-07 Matt Grey[b] '17' Honda Rebel 500 

#5 jiff

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Posted 02 April 2020 - 01:24 pm

......thank all. for the introduction to a whole new source of amusement 

(don’t bother to re-read, that WASN’T one)



#6 dapleb

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Posted 02 April 2020 - 01:56 pm

Thems my kinda funnies. Ta wobbo.
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"

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#7 PICARD

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Posted 02 April 2020 - 06:38 pm

My last girlfriend was a parachutist and had IBS,she sh@t on me from a great height.
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!

04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)

#8 Robodene

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Posted 02 April 2020 - 08:18 pm

I thought her hat would blow away but it turned out it was held in arrears.
1940s Ariel 350 (ex-military) Khaki > Black & White '56' Kymco Venox 250 Metallic Grey '56' TDM 900/A (ABS) Silver[b] '56' Yamaha MT-03 White <p>[b] '14' Yamaha MT-07 Matt Grey[b] '17' Honda Rebel 500 

#9 PICARD

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Posted 13 April 2020 - 09:17 am

I just drove past our local prison,and saw a dwarf climbing down the wall! I thought...that's a little condescending!!
Lock onto my co-ordinates and beam me up !!

04 900 - 92 mk 1 - r 1150 rs - Z550 A1 - 2x bonnies - plastic slug -XL185 - ...not in that order !! (and one or two i don't want / dare to own up to !!)

#10 dapleb

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Posted 13 April 2020 - 09:54 am

Haaaa
"Whats up", "Piston Broke", "Yeah me too...hic"

If you want to mark your location on the Carpe map: http://www.carpe-tdm...opic.php?t=5117

Doin valve clearances? Use dappers valve shim exchange program and the job will be carroty - Free (other than you postin me yer shims) for sporting members.

Active member of TPLQHCSRSFC and TSRMCMAS (even though a year off) and avid fan of PM not sent.

#11 Robodene

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Posted 13 April 2020 - 09:56 am

Tee hee.
1940s Ariel 350 (ex-military) Khaki > Black & White '56' Kymco Venox 250 Metallic Grey '56' TDM 900/A (ABS) Silver[b] '56' Yamaha MT-03 White <p>[b] '14' Yamaha MT-07 Matt Grey[b] '17' Honda Rebel 500 

#12 drewpy

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Posted 13 April 2020 - 11:57 am

i was camping but got arrested for loitering within tent


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#13 Snowbird

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Posted 13 April 2020 - 11:59 am

I just drove past our local prison,and saw a dwarf climbing down the wall! I thought...that's a little condescending!!

Was that the psychic dwarf that escaped? I heard there was a small medium at large.


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