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#1 DeeDee

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 08:21 am

ohmy.gif ohmy.gif

No.1

A Torry girl goes to the Benefits Office to register for child
benefit

"How many children?" asks the assessor.

"Ten" replies the Torry girl,

"Ten?" says the Benefits Office worker.

"What are their names?"

"Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan, Nathan

and Nathan"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"

"Naah..." says the Torry girl, "Its great because if they are

out playing in the street I just have shout 'NATHAN, YER DINNER'S

READY!'

or 'NATHAN GO TO BED NOW!' and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the

perturbed Benefits Office worker.

"That's easy," says the Torry girl... "I just use their

surnames"


No.2

A Torry girl enters an adult shop and asks for a vibrator.

The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take the red one."

The man replies: "That's a fire extinguisher."


No.3

Q. Two Torry girls jump off a cliff. Who wins?

A. Society.


No.4

Q. What does a Torry girl use as protection during sex?

A. A bus shelter.


No.5

Q. What do you call a 30 year old Torry girl?

A. Granny.


No.6

Q. Why did the Torry girl cross the road?

A. To start a fight with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever.


No.7

Q. What do you call a Torry girl in a white tracksuit?

A. The bride.


No.8

Q. What's the first
question during a Torry girl quiz night?

A. What you looking at?


No.9

Q. Two Torry kids in a car without any music - who is driving?

A. The policeman.


No.10

Q. What's the difference between a boy and a Torry girl?

A. A Torry girl has a higher sperm count.


No.11

Q. What's the most confusing day in Torry?

A. Fathers day


No.12

Q. How do people know Jesus wasn't born in Torry?

A. You try finding 3 wise men and a virgin there!

excl.gif excl.gif
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

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#2 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 08:38 am

An' tae think Ah workit mair nor fower year at the Marine Lab an' nivver kent fit wiz jist ayont the windae - foo mony het denners did Ah miss? rolleyes.gif

Edited by Pict, 11 February 2009 - 09:56 am.

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#3 divvxj

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 09:39 am

in torry they are eating "rowies" with fish heids rotflmmfao.gif

#4 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 09:53 am

Jist ask Annie Lennox aboot "Eurythmics" rolleyes.gif

Edited by Pict, 11 February 2009 - 09:54 am.

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#5 DeeDee

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 11:28 am

QUOTE(Pict @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 09:53 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Jist ask Annie Lennox aboot "Eurythmics" rolleyes.gif



Is that some kind of contraceptive rythm method used in Torry?

wub.gif wub.gif
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

- Some brilliant bastard

#6 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 11:49 am

QUOTE(DeeDee @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 11:28 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Is that some kind of contraceptive rythm method used in Torry?

wub.gif wub.gif

Ye micht be gaun doon Victoria Road there... rolleyes.gif

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#7 divvxj

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 12:09 pm

yill no git doric in th grampian bar rotflmmfao.gif

#8 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 12:27 pm

Mair like Polish or Bulgarian these days? laugh.gif

Edited by Pict, 11 February 2009 - 12:29 pm.

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#9 DeeDee

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 12:57 pm

QUOTE(Pict @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 12:27 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Mair like Polish or Bulgarian these days? laugh.gif



Aye tis fulla Poles and Turks etc. Rat cellar's worse min.
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

- Some brilliant bastard

#10 Snorvey

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 04:42 pm

I'm from the NE of Scotland and I have no idea what they're talking about either....



Snorvey
Did I mention 135mph?

And that's official

#11 divvxj

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 05:16 pm

QUOTE(DeeDee @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 02:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Aye tis fulla Poles and Turks etc. Rat cellar's worse min.

try the craws nest polski yip yap rotflmmfao.gif

#12 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 05:56 pm

QUOTE(Snorvey @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 04:42 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm from the NE of Scotland and I have no idea what they're talking about either....
Snorvey

Haudawa min - ur ye feel or fit? tongue.gif Divee nae ken foo the Loard himsel' spiks?

Edited by Pict, 11 February 2009 - 05:59 pm.

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#13 fatchap

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 05:57 pm

QUOTE(divvxj @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 07:16 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
try the craws nest polski yip yap rotflmmfao.gif




Must admit that I don't understand a word of whats going on. The jokes seem familiar though, but they used to be all
Essex based.

1 What does an Essex girl put behind her ears to attract men? Her feet!

2. How do you know when an Essex girl is having an orgasm? She spills her chips!

3 If an Essex girl asks you to leave the light on while you make love, just open the car door.

And so on and so on ad infinitum.







#14 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 06:01 pm

QUOTE(fatchap @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 05:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
And so on and so on ad infinitum.

Now now, we'll have none of your Southern perversions if you please tongue.gif laugh.gif

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#15 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 06:09 pm

QUOTE(DeeDee @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 12:57 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Aye tis fulla Poles and Turks etc.

Ah kent a Pole frae the Broch eence. Bit Turks - zat some fowk frae a bittie furrer east - ayont Fittie?? blink.gif They'll no be gettin' the P&J oot thonder, pair sowls.

Edited by Pict, 11 February 2009 - 08:28 pm.

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#16 Snorvey

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 06:31 pm

QUOTE(Pict @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 05:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Haudawa min - ur ye feel or fit? tongue.gif Divee nae ken foo the Loard himsel' spiks?


I'm just fine. No, Im not mental - or at least I dont think I am. You've got me on the last bit tho.

dry.gif



Snorvey
Did I mention 135mph?

And that's official

#17 divvxj

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 07:34 pm

QUOTE(Snorvey @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 08:31 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I'm just fine. No, Im not mental - or at least I dont think I am. You've got me on the last bit tho.

dry.gif
Snorvey

press and journal,ken rotflmmfao.gif

#18 tdm850rider

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 11:23 pm

I tried to move this to 'Language Valley' but 'Other Languages' refused it entry. dry.gif
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#19 Pict

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Posted 11 February 2009 - 11:52 pm

QUOTE(tdm850rider @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 11:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I tried to move this to 'Language Valley' but 'Other Languages' refused it entry. dry.gif

rotflmmfao.gif Euro-mongrel? Save up and come on over for some lessons Tammas!
Lesson 1:
1) Wh becomes f : hence interrogatives are fa = who; foo= how; fan /fin = when; far=where; fit = what (fit wey = why; fit like? = how are you?)
2) Vowels shift e.g. oo becomes ee: boots = beets, fool = feel; school = skweel

tbc

Edited by Pict, 12 February 2009 - 12:08 am.

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#20 DeeDee

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Posted 12 February 2009 - 07:09 am

QUOTE(Pict @ Wed 11th Feb 2009, 11:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
rotflmmfao.gif Euro-mongrel? Save up and come on over for some lessons Tammas!
Lesson 1:
1) Wh becomes f : hence interrogatives are fa = who; foo= how; fan /fin = when; far=where; fit = what (fit wey = why; fit like? = how are you?)
2) Vowels shift e.g. oo becomes ee: boots = beets, fool = feel; school = skweel

tbc



here endeth the days furst lesson

chin chin
Political Correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

- Some brilliant bastard


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